BOIL THE OCEAN - TICK ANY BOXES?

I have been amused, bemused and hugely entertained by a LinkedIn http://www.linkedin.com/ discussion that has focused on “buzzwords” or, more precisely, the “buzzwords” that should be erased, wiped out, eradicated, binned, dumped, banned, buried – for ever.

Like the word “buzzword” itself, as one contributor suggested prompting no argument from me. When a BBC2 Newsnight presenter used the expression “bigging up” one night last week, I knew that my time in the doldrums as far as blogging was concerned needed to end.

Apologies for being pedantic, but the “buzzwords” topic should really have been about ridding the world – pronto – of annoying and meaningless phrases or terms that people in business, mainly, have latched on to and use, remorselessly, thinking they sound authoritative, smart or contemporary.

Or, maybe, like bonus-winning bankers, they think they are hoodwinking us with their snake-oil jargon, the nest of vipers that they are.

That aside the LinkedIn conversation, started by Jim Bianchi, who heads his own PR company in the Detroit area, has been enlightening and informative. http://jbianchi777.wordpress.com/2010/12/22/20-business-buzzwords-you-want-to-kill/

Loads of us want this gobbledygook to end, the gibberish that clouds reality – words stuck together that mean little or nothing.

Even in the world of hiring new staff, the latest buzzwords and phrases are causing confusion leading to demands for plain talking from applicants.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/classified/jobs/chi-linkedin-job-cliches-010311,0,82925.story

While, many of the examples responding to Jim Bianchi’s question were US- centric, we will recognise many and, worse, will be reminded of people who use them as naturally as they stare at their iPhone/Blackberry when you’re in their company.

One of the first to bob up was a belter - boil the ocean. Brilliant. What does it mean? I had no idea until some helpful US contributor suggested: "….if a member of the corporate pantheon suggests you are trying to ‘boil the ocean,’ he or she thinks you are doing something incredibly inefficiently.” Is that the same as “you’re making a mess of it?”

My tuppence worth included “raft of ideas” and the really annoying "ticking all the rihgt boxes" but this guy, Tim Trout - http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/tim-trout/18/21b/a46had - had me in fits with this example he had come across.

“We are a full-spectrum consumer-focused solutions provider. Our teams are experienced in transitioning processes and systems to supply the platform your organisation and customers need. Our iterative product-development methodologies expedite the evolution of next-generation functionality. We can enhance your existing business and portal strategies or collaborate across disciplines to create new and exciting iterative change.” As Tim put it, “…a cool twenty or more for the price of one.” Utterly gruesome and shocking that some people are dim enough to fall or be impressed by such verbiage – or mince, to be more precise.

Action plan; 
at the end of the day; bells and whistles; best practice; blamestorming; 
blue sky thinking; goal-oriented; fit for purpose; moving the goal posts; 
multi-tasking; on the same page; open door policy; parachute in; tasked; touch base; transparency and value-added. A catalogue of the meaningless spouted by the vacuous, I suggest.

Not forgetting, of course, “thought showers” instead of “brainstorming.” To think someone, somewhere had enough time to sit and create this dross.

Any other examples? I’d love to hear about them. Or versionise, as I heard someone utter during a Radio Scotland interview recently.

NAME THAT "NAME" BRAND

Thought I might offer up a quiz (sorry no prizes) that caught my eye.

Clearly, becoming the “name” brand in any industry sector is a dream for many companies.

Many organisations crave to be the generic name such as Hoover. As a young hack, many a senior reporter or sub editor would issue reminders that people vacuum, not Hoover when it comes to filing copy. But, few of us talk about vacuuming carpets, do we?

In the PR sector, lots of clients want their name in lights right now, if not quicker. The realists – I include my clients here – appreciate that some things take time to be nurtured and developed.

This short quiz – taken from Shortlist magazine www.shortlist.com – was brought to my attention recently, so can you guess what terms have now taken over the name of the following?

1. Adhesive Tape
2. Inline Skate
3. Stand–up Personal Watercraft
4. Ballpoint Pen
5. MP3 Player
6. Correction Fluid
7. Mobile Building
8. Public Address System
9. Artificial Grass

Here are the answers:

1. Adhesive Tape - Sellotape
2. Inline Skate - Rollerblade
3. Stand–up Personal Watercraft - Jet Ski
4. Ballpoint Pen - Biro
5. MP3 Player - iPod
6. Correction Fluid - Tipp-Ex
7. Mobile Building - Portakabin
8. Public Address System - Tannoy
9. Artificial Grass - Astroturf

No 2 puzzled me but I got there in the end. How many did you get - and do you have any other examples?

SIZE MATTERS

I must have got the short genes in my family.

Both my brothers are tall – over five feet 10 – and my eldest sons are tall. One is just under and the other just over six feet.

In my stocking soles I’m 5 feet 7 inches, and nothing I can do about it. My wife is taller than me. I’ve always wanted to be taller. It would certainly help when the last-minute gig goer barges into the crowd to stand right in front of me, all 8 feet 10 inches of him, or so it seems. And big guys get served quicker at a busy bar.

But this week I’ve read and listened with interest to a couple of discussions on whether big in PR is better than small. http://quietnewsday.co.uk/ and http://www.prmoment.com/403/Who-does-better-pr-big-pr-agencies-or-small-agencies.aspx

At the end of the day, I don’t think there can be a winner in the size stakes. That’s because there are excellent small PR companies (like Mike Ritchie Media) and equally top-class larger PR agencies, too many to mention. Doubtless, too, there will be some smaller PR companies and some bigger ones who are not considered to be ticking all the right boxes, but that’s a subjective matter and not one for me to focus on.

I recognise that some major organisations will have demands that can only be met by the manpower available in a company employing a lot of staff although I provided comprehensive PR support for a leading Scottish housebuilder for over a decade to that company’s satisfaction.

The clients who have entrusted their PR needs to me like the fact that after I turn up at the pitch or discussion and if I win the account, then I deal with it personally. I may bring in additional bodies – photographers or event managers and the like – on some projects and campaigns, but the client consistently and exclusively deals with me. It’s the only way a smaller business like mine can ensure the best possible, effective communications’ service.

To my mind, the bigger agencies have one major in-house advantage and that is the ability to have a lot of people bringing ideas to a particular campaign or project. But, I have to say, that I am indebted to be able to tap into the expertise of many fellow PR practitioners when I need advice or confirmation that what I was proposing for a client was OK or needed refinement. Often this help is just a phone call or a cup of coffee away.

The bigger PR outfits also enjoy bigger budgets to offer corporate entertainment to movers and shakers but, once again, I am often sanctioned to buy a journalist a lunch in the course of my duties. So it’s a question of scale rather than size.

So I don’t think big versus small is a clear-cut issue at all. In another area altogether, I use a local one-man band car mechanic in preference to any of the big garages. I’d rather buy a newspaper from a street vendor than a multiple chain newsagents. I prefer quiet neighbourhood bars to brash and noisy city centre pubs. I like smaller gig venues such as Barrowland to the SECC.

So big versus small is not the be all and end all. I try to offer a mature, appropriate, cost-effective quality service and I’m sure, in fact, I know, that those bigger company PR teams strive to do the same.

We’re all different, and that’s a good thing, don’t you think? It gives those in the market for our services greater choice – and that’s healthy.

CONSIDERING CONSIDERATION

Recently I blogged about good manners and my view that they matter in business. The feedback was quite astonishing.

Around a hundred people from all over the world including India, the USA, Greece, Australia, Europe, England and Scotland responded when I posted my thoughts on the LinkedIn website http://www.linkedin.com

Most agreed that being polite, taking the trouble to respond to emails or voicemails, acknowledging receipt of important documents such as proposals was not difficult and, indeed, was an important element of conducting business seriously in a well-mannered, courteous way.

It was an issue that even made it in to the pages of a national Sunday http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/business/Michelle-Rodger-Manners-maketh-man.6168474.jp newspaper, where I was quoted. The reaction from that was encouraging as well.

It’s clear that good manners to many people do count for a lot, an awful lot. Just take a look at Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn where individuals gleefully reply and respond, suggest and refer, help and inform. In the main, these sites highlight first-class, heart-warming Net-iquette.

So I’d like now to see this extended into a further business arena – the networking event. And you can blame (only kidding) Cordelia Ditton of http://www.voicebusinesstraining.co.uk as she encouraged this rant.

Her latest blog http://talkaboutspeaking.com/networking-tip-how-to-move-on-without-feeling-you-are-giving-offence is very useful on how to extricate yourself from being stuck in one spot at a networking event. For me, however, that’s not been a real problem but, nevertheless I found reading Dilly’s blog useful, as always. It’s one of the best blogs on my radar.

My biggest bugbear at networking events comes when I am happily engaged and talking with one or more people, listening, exchanging views and offering suggestions to one another.

Then someone else barges in flourishing a business card before launching into the dire “all about me” spiel. Very annoying, hugely boring. I would never dream of being so discourteous. Networking is about meeting different people and, to my mind, the listening part is crucial. I don’t expect anyone wants to hear about PR in detail, the services my company offers or any other info in glorious Technicolour. They prefer, as I do, a brief overall summary that encourages questions or, even better, presents an opportunity for a follow-up, one-to-one conversation at a future date.

But the individual, who breezes into conversations and focuses on his or her business, what he or she can do for you and so on, doesn’t talk with anyone – he or she talks at you. He/she seems to think I, and others in the gathering, need to know in gruesome, long-winded detail all about him or her, what they do and why they are so damn good at it. I don’t. Sorry. To me, such people appear extremely desperate for attention, new business, who knows? It’s easy to walk away from them.

This has happened to me over the years. Usually, I escape with the words “I’ll leave you to it” or “I think we’ve chatted before” – not, perhaps, very profound or well considered or worth copying. But it has worked for me.

Such gatherings are a chance for low-key business conversations, a time to meet others in a range of businesses, to fit faces to names of companies I’ve heard about, to build possible relationships. And at some events, I have met people I have come to admire, like and even to do business with.

Rant over.

PEPPA PIG AND POLITICS

I’ll be voting on Thursday. I always vote, it is important.

I have voted for two political parties over the years, one consistently and the other, when I was possibly an angrier and younger man, on the one occasion only.

I’ll keep their identities private. Voting is personal and is based on a great many things for me.

The current General Election campaign has been wholly uninspiring and the attempt to put personalities before policies has not captured my imagination. The TV debates were dull, dreary and puerile.

Neither am I impressed – ever, it should be noted – by the endorsements from celebrities, sports stars or anyone else in the public eye. The exact opposite is the case, actually.

I’m underwhelmed when Richard “I don’t believe it” Wilson or comic Eddie Izzard tell me they’re voting Labour. Big Deal.

Actors Michael Caine and Gary “Take That” Barlow are backing the Conservatives. So what?

The Lib Dems have Daniel “Harry Potter” Radcliffe and fellow thespian, Colin Firth on their side. Really, hold me back.

An election highlight so far was when I learned that Channel Five stopped cartoon character star, Peppa Pig from playing any part in a Labour press conference. Would that have helped secure the vote of morning TV “Milkshake” viewers like me, I wonder? I watch it with my three-year-old son, Adam before he heads off to nursery, I should explain.

Conversely, I won’t stop watching someone like Eddie Izzard if his vote was different to mine – he’ll still be funny regardless of his political preferences and, similarly, Gary Barlow’s music will continue to do nothing for me, no matter who he votes for.

I’m not for a minute suggesting there’s something wrong or unpleasant with celebrity backing it’s just that I doubt if it has any real influence. Pointless in my case and I’m sure I’m not alone.

Just a thought. Maybe it would be better if the “stars” urged everyone to actually cast their votes, to get down to the polling station, to exercise their rights. That might have an impact, you never know.

MUSIC FOR THE MASSES

Online backing for Tina Turner’s song “The Best” pushed the 1980s recording into the UK Top Ten at the weekend.

It’s a song favoured by Rangers’ football fans. Supporters of their Old Firm rivals, Celtic were pushing online for “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” the Gerry and The Pacemakers’ hit from 19-oatcake.

Both are good songs but it got me thinking as to how – and why – do fans target particular tunes and make them their own unofficial club anthems. I support Scottish Cup finalists, Dundee United and their fans, the Arabs, love songs by John Paul Young and Daniel Boone – yes, that’s right, John Paul Young and Daniel Boone. No not tracks from United fan, Ricky Ross and his band Deacon Blue but John Paul Young and Daniel Boone.

Who are they, you may well ask?

It turns out that John Paul Young is an Australian pop singer-songwriter who had a 1978 worldwide hit with "Love Is in the Air" while Daniel Boone was a one-hit wonder with the 1972 single "Beautiful Sunday."

You’ll agree neither is a household name, like Tina Turner, but their songs are belted out great style by the Tannadice faithful. I have failed to find out just why, out of millions and squillions of pop songs, the tangerine and black clad United fans picked these tunes.

The lyrics have no obvious sporting references nor are they adulterated rudely or controversially, as has happened with other terracing offerings. The words have not been altered, unlike, for example, those in “Knees Up Mother Brown” which have been amended to “Who Ate All The Pies?” which many fans direct at seemingly overweight players performing in front of them. Other popular tunes have been crudely changed and I certainly won’t repeat them here.

Having joined in the United singing many a time, I do like these two songs for what they are, jolly singalongs. “Love Is In The Air” even appeared on the playlist during our wedding festivities. Well, it did suit the occasion.

Don't know if John Paul and Daniel are aware of their popularity among the United support. Maybe they'll pick up on it online - or via this blog offering.

BECAUSE IT'S TIME, I'LL LEARN ONLINE

With great anticipation I will be attending a social media for business course next week. I will be a rookie.

OK, I Tweet and Facebook, I’ve got my Google Alerts, I blog and I have used social media for clients and their PR, and so on. And I have attended various seminars that have been hugely interesting but, equally, baffling. Not, I must add, because the speakers weren’t good, far from it.

But, clearly, I am nowhere near an expert and that makes learning more essential. After all, I struggle to put links into my blog text properly (hopefully this effort will prove me wrong.)

On the web, there is wall-to-wall expertise, mostly free, too. Some of the information is riveting, some too geeky for me, but it all goes to show that social media/digital media, call it what you will, isn’t going away in a hurry.

The thing I really like about Twitter, for example, is the willingness of clued-up people to share their tips or, the pitfalls, the etiquette and the dos and don’ts. I am way behind when it comes to guidance and reference points.

Already, I have been grateful to the likes of Craig McGill at www.contently-managed.com and Michelle Rodger at www.brazenuk.com for many snippets of invaluable instruction and help selflessly supplied. Indeed, all of those I follow on Twitter amaze me with the links they readily and gleefully put up.

Some day, I hope to be equally informative and helpful to anyone logging on to my blog or following me on Twitter or elsewhere. At the moment, however, through lack of knowledge, I wouldn’t feel confident to advise anyone too closely.

So, in the interests of making a start, I am pleased to reveal that next week’s course is organised by Glasgow Opportunities GO Group http://www.go.uk.com whose personnel were hugely efficient in arranging for a 50 per cent fee reduction.

The day-long event is being led by Kyle MacRae http://blethermedia.com/ whose reputation is deservedly very high in this field.

I just hope I don’t end up wearing the dunce cap with a capital “D” at the end of it.