DIFFICULTY WITH DATES (Not the romantic kind)

I wonder if other people suffer or share my real, daily struggle to quickly recall what date it is.

Of course, birthdays, Christmas, Boxing Day and January 1 are easy to remember but I’m writing this on October 28, or is it the 29th? Have checked on the top, right-hand corner of my laptop screen and it is the 28th.

Having worked in newspapers for over 25 years, you’d think I’d be right up to date, as it were, with such a thing. But, no, I’m hopeless.

While I can easily access the date – by looking under any newspaper’s masthead, on my computer or mobile phone – it is often a momentary puzzle for me.

And lately, I find I’m checking the time more and more on my mobile instead of one of the two very nice watches I own.

I’m not alone it would seem.

This item http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-11634105 caught my attention and I do check the time on my mobile more than I refer to my watch.

I also admit that checking the date via that tiny little box on the screen of one of my two watches has been a rare event for me. In fact, it would be pointless as I can’t remember setting the correct date on it – ever.

As information sources constantly change, memorising or recognising telephone numbers seems to be a thing of the past, too, I’d suggest. Today, it’s so easy to link to phone numbers via speed buttons etc or the first initial of a name that I barely remember – or know – anyone’s number with a few exceptions.

If you have a comment on this, I’d pleased to receive it, any day/date, any time.

A BIG ASK - AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

The English language is suffering from a real mangling nowadays. This saddens and worries me.

Stupid phrases, meaningless responses and a general sloppiness in many sectors are all combining to muck it all up.

A big ask – I ask you? Isn’t that just one of the most horrible and totally wrong utterances imaginable? It’s a crime against the language, that’s what I think. I loathe it. It’s horrible and ugly and doesn’t mean anything.

The last time I consulted a dictionary, I noticed that “ask” is a verb and definitely not a noun. You ask someone a question, you ask for information. A verb – easy to understand, you would think.

Hard on its heels to make me cringe is the equally execrable term – big up to so-and-so. What? Up is an adverb, has been since I was a lad and will be when I no longer have the energy to rant.

It’s another crime and, no, I don’t want to pop a chill pill (hideous) as I move seamlessly on to more expressions that make me shudder or worse.

I confess – not “fess up” – to being a pedant when it comes to language and grammar but I reckon it’s easy for people who use these expressions to sort themselves out.

Hold tight.

A raft of ideas – I hate this, especially when the “raft” then has its ideas “rolled out.” Awful, isn’t it?

“Absolutely” could be my reply but that word is used sickeningly often today. Big culprits are at-the-scene TV reporters when linking to studio-based presenters who have a asked question such as: “I imagine the atmosphere is tense there with 10 dead?”

Reporter: “Absolutely.” I pray someone, sometime will say, instead, to such an inquiry: “yes, obviously” or “that’s right” or “got it in one.”

If I didn’t abhor this description, I would say a lot of people today need to experience a “learning curve” – usually steep for added dramatic effect – to get them back to simple statements that mean what they say.

Now that’s what I’d call “joined up thinking/ planning/action” if only I didn’t include “joined up something-or-other” in my pet hates. Does it really mean anything: not to me it doesn’t.

Here’s another one to bother and baffle. “Not fit for purpose” – just say “no use, useless, inappropriate…” anything but jargon that serves no purpose.

OK, I hear you say it’s time to “Draw a line under this” – groan and groan again. If I “draw a line under” something, a word or a phrase, for example, then this means I want to be drawn to it, to remember it – not forget it.

And in business, while I am always happy to be given notice of something or be briefed on an issue, please don’t say to me: “I thought I’d give you a heads up.” It’s on my sin list and so is “no brainer,” a useless saying, overused and also unwanted in my book.

So, if people can be persuaded to get rid of all these rank awful phrases, I’ll be contented, pleased, gratified – but don’t dare call me “a happy bunny.” Crikey, that’s really duff.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this. Am I stuck in the grammar glory days of the past, or do I have a point? Let me know one way or another, if you wish.

Non-circumlocutory, oral communication...what?

“….non-circumlocutory, oral communication dispensed by an orator who has no predilection for verbiage and is far from prolix or magniloquent in manner…”

These weighty words – I had to look up three of them in the dictionary – feature in a very clever advert by legal firm Macroberts – http:// www.macroberts.com

The company follows them with the comment “Straight–talking” and emphasises in the ad that they offer straight-to-the-point business law.

I’m all for plain speaking so the ad appeals to me. I came across it as I ploughed through an insurance policy following another water leak episode in my bathroom where floorboards had to be ripped up to trace the source of the problem. The policy is, you’ll not be surprised to learn, classically confusing. It sucks the will to read on, each sentence a barrier, each paragraph formed to sap all energy.

Even in day-to-day business, people speak or write in needlessly, long- winded ways that really grate. The Plain English Campaign http:// www.plainenglish.co.uk/ and fine bloggers such as Marian Dougan at http:// wordstogoodeffect.wordpress.com/ write in interesting ways - and most eloquently - about words and language, subjects that intrigue me.

I liked this list from the folks at the Plain English Campaign. They say the words in brackets are just as – or even more – effective and I homologate. Sorry, that means I agree.

additional (extra)

advise (tell) 

commence (start)

forward (send)

in excess of (more than) 

in respect of (for) 

in the event of (if) 

on request (if you ask) 

particulars (details)

per annum (a year) 

persons (people) 

prior to (before)

purchase (buy) 

regarding (about) 

terminate (end)

whilst (while)

I’m keen to learn any examples people my have of gobbledygook or drivel, as some might suggest.

PERFECT PITCH - PLAIN SPEAKING

“I don’t know how to write, but I can tell you fluently what I do, what my product does.

“My spelling is atrocious. My grammar equally poor, but I am a confident and competent speaker who can communicate most effectively. Writing for me is a chore, although I have a sound technological brain.

“I have an eye for a solid business idea, one that’s interested some large companies already. I haven’t got a clue how to engage effectively with consumers, business or the public at large.

“I really need someone who can make my product, my idea visible to business, consumers and the media at large, both specialist and general outlets.

“I have no idea how costly, problematic, feasible this might be – so do you think you can work with me and help me by doing what you clearly have done, successfully, for a range of clients to date with a PR campaign?

“I think this is an important way forward for my company.”

I have paraphrased this hour-long conversation with a prospective client, obviously. I was so gratified by his beguiling approach on behalf of his company and his associates. Here was someone, needing PR support and positive media attention while admitting with a smile he knew little or nothing about how to pursue it. A company in his network circle had recommended that he chat with me. I was delighted to do so.

This isn’t a blog about me and my company and what it does, or is capable of doing. Nor a criticism of previous pitches I’ve attended. It is about the refreshing attitude of this company MD for whom a proposal is ready. It may come to nothing.

However, the big point, for me, is that this man was candid, said his expertise lay elsewhere and he wanted to buy in a specific form of help. He issued no demands and listened closely to what I had to say, the suggestions I put forward, the involvement he could expect from my company. I answered his questions openly and in detail.

It was a great discussion, which led on to a chat about many different subjects. Nothing has been decided. I have submitted a proposal. It was just a hugely refreshing way to talk about working together – possibly.

WHAT MUSIC HAVE YOU BEEN BUYING?

I made a resolution for 2010 and I have to report I’m failing dismally.

Back in bleak mid winter when snow lay on the ground for weeks and the central heating was on round the clock, I declared that I would buy fewer CDs this year and concentrate, instead, on listening more to the music already in my collection.

Well, it’s partly true because I have trawled the shelves to listen again to some excellent sounds I’d not heard for years and years. Those that spring most quickly to mind include “Exile on Main Street” by The Stones, now re-released in some super-duper format, Rory Gallagher live, most of Gillian Welch (with no new release in sight), Ron Sexsmith (very under-rated) early Willard Grant Conspiracy, Lucinda Williams, Clem Snide, James McMurtry, The Black Keys, Nick Cave, loads of Neil Young – “On The Beach” in particular – and Steve Earle and dark Springsteen through Nebraska and Tom Joad plus a whole lot more such as The Smiths, Morrissey, Sam Baker and The Felice Brothers.

But, despite that resolution, I’ve added considerably to my collection, too, and I blame Mark Oliver Everett without a shadow of a doubt. And that’s because I am a very latecomer to the wonderful world of Eels. Don’t know why I didn’t pay him more attention as I thought “Novocaine For The Soul” was brilliant when I first heard it. But, I’ve made up for lost time and now have most of the Eels’ collection and, for good measure, I read his captivating autobiography, “Things The Grandchildren Should Know” in one sitting on a return rail journey between Glasgow and Dundee.

I thought not reading the review sections in magazines such as Uncut or tuning less often into internet music sites might curb the urge to buy but, clearly, that’s not been the case. I’m happily admitting failure.

As I write, I can think of quite a few CDs I’d want. In the meantime, here’s what I’ve bought so far this year – and I’d love to hear what you’ve been buying, too. Might give me some ideas, oh, no.

Eels - End Times

Eels - Daisies of the Galaxy

Bonnie "Prince" Billy - The Wonder Show of the World

Mary Gauthier - The Foundling

Primal Scream - Dirty Hits

Bob Dylan - Tell Tale Signs

Dave Rawlings Machine - A Friend Of A Friend

Johnny Cash - Ain't No Grave

Guy Clarke - Old No 1 / Texas Cookin'

Queens of the Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf

Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds – Murder Ballads

Keep It Clean and Tidy

There is so much available to read as social media continues to expand but, unfortunately, a lot of it is riddled and marred by bad spelling and poor grammar.

To me, rightly or otherwise, such factors indicate a sloppiness and a questionable attitude to detail, particularly in the world of business.

But when I re-read the words in my second paragraph I realise that it is a somewhat harsh attitude, unforgiving and set in stone. Maybe I need to lighten up. Yes?

I am always annoyed if I find I have sent an email or draft News Release or letter to a client – or anyone for that matter – with a typo in it. And it does happen. In texts, too, I’ve slipped up.

Thankfully, I'm not a serial offender but I'm hard on myself when mistakes occur. They look so bad. Sometimes my head is about three or four words ahead of my fingers so typos and misplaced words do up crop – see that?

Among the worst offenders, I've found, are those who submit, speculatively, requests for positions in my company or work placements. Their CVs can be riddled with errors and some even manage to spell my name wrong - or should that be wrongly? For good measure, some even muck up their own email addresses, or end with a chirpy (and I’m not kidding): “Hope to here from you in due coarse.”

There are errors galore on the social media sites I read and, no doubt, it’s down to people wanting to respond quickly to something or other. That, I suppose, is understandable. However, nothing wrong with checking a message before sending it, is there?

One fellow PR person I know wrote a single sentence Tweet recently that couldn’t have had more blunders in it if she’d tried. Two spelling mistakes, an inaccurate hotel name and the classic “it’s” misused – and all in 140 characters.

Like others, I find computer spell checks fairly ineffective so I open my dictionary frequently. A by-product of this is that you come across words you’ve never seen before and maybe will never have the opportunity to use.

Simple spelling errors and grammatical mistakes aside – they’re not life-threatening, after all and none of us is perfect – I also have a problem with swear words in Tweets or on Facebook and the likes, even the words with ** in them, as if that makes them less offensive.

I’m no prude. Having worked in national newspaper newsrooms for 25 years or more, the language used could make a building site labourer blush, and that’s just from the women.

On TV, too, swearing is commonplace and I don’t mean just on the sports’ pitches. Comedians have been swearing their way through gags for years and the good ones – Billy Connolly, for example – make it almost an art form, which doesn’t appeal to one and all, necessarily.

Most of those guilty of swearing, it must be said, are those hiding behind anonymity, but it has been sneaking in to other business forums as well.

As social media is a way of starting conversations, dialogue, finding advocates for businesses, foul language really has no place, in my book. No-one in their right mind would submit a proposal, for example, littered with four-letter words of the sweary kind.

In a public forum, in print and online and for all the world to see, I think swearing is a no-no and most folk, it has to be said, keep it clean.

Am I being pedantic and too fussy, too squeaky clean and prudish, out-of-touch or spot-on? Let me know – and no swearing, if you please.

And, of course, fingers are now crossed that there are no spelling mistakes, literals or words missed out in this bolg. I have chequed.

MISSING - PHONE NUMBERS

In these days of straightforward communication at all levels, why do so many people omit good, old-fashioned telephone numbers – office or mobile – from their emails?

Equally, why do some websites hide contact telephone numbers away as if they are an embarrassment to them? Phone calls are great ways to clarify matters, clear up any written misunderstandings, discuss issues fluently, or keep in touch. For me, it’s still a natural way to connect and to do business in addition to email, and other helpful social media activity.

I really don’t understand why phone numbers are banished from online appearances. Modern day communication is as straightforward, allegedly, as it’s ever been. Those PR practitioners among us want to communicate, discuss, share, connect, converse, inform, entertain, interest - that’s our business.

So when organisations – and, astonishingly some major media outlets are guilty of this – fail to provide simple phone contact details, an unnecessary difficulty arises. A PR chum, keen to target leading blogs, told me some didn’t even have email addresses – one-way communication only, it would seem.

That’s when a simple telephone number comes into its own, to play a key role. I joke with friends and clients that I’m “going over the wire, Steve McQueen-style and avoiding the Twitter/Facebook spotlights” by making direct contact on the phone. Think I’ll be booted out of the social media club for that confession?

Making telephone contact is essential in business, and in life, generally. Another bugbear is voice mail messages when no return numbers are left. Or numbers are left, but rattled off really, really, really quickly as if the caller was fleeing a blazing building.

I love social media and the speed of Internet services as they make life a whole lot easier for us all. But, telephone numbers should still be in the contact mix.